Letter to Myself

Most people like to write letters to their younger selves, reflecting back on what they shouldn’t have stressed so much over or why didn’t they just leave that stupid boy. However, I feel that I am in my prime age to make mistakes, twenty. I still have so much learning to do and still have so much to figure out so I have decided to write a letter to me, right now in this moment and maybe it will help you too.

Dear Me,

Look how far you’ve come! You’ve accomplished so many things that seemed nearly impossible in the moment, yet you still have so much self doubt. Will you make the grades? Well let’s think, you’ve always pulled through with an A or B when you constantly thought you weren’t smart enough. You got the internship that you had been dreaming about since you were 15! You have a loving puppy that brings so much joy into your life (even though she’s a little monster) and you live in a home with a man that truly loves you.

Through all these amazing triumphs you are still riddled with self doubt, and you know what, that is okay. You are only 20. You still have so much life ahead of you and you are going to have some rocky spots. You shouldn’t know exactly what you want to do with your life. Change your major three or four times, that’s okay! This time in your life is for learning and exploring and figuring out who you are. And for the love of all things holy please stop comparing yourself to other people. They may be skinnier and in a different life stage than you and that is perfectly fine. Good for them, but you should only be focusing on what’s good for you.

You were put on this Earth for a reason and you will figure out that reason, one day. It doesn’t have to be right now. Just focus on the now and soon everything will seemingly just fall into place. Worrying does no good except to give you those awful sores in your mouth and send you spiraling.

If you start really focusing on the present, indulging yourself in every sweet second that has been given to you, you will live a much happier, less stressful life, guaranteed! It’s not going to be easy and it will take some time, but boy will it be worth it.

Xoxo

Alexis

10 Things That Make Me Feel Better When I feel Anxious

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1. Cuddling my puppy
• She snores a lot and likes to sleep right in the middle of my bed, but she is honestly the best snuggler.
2. Listening to contemporary christian music full blast 
• Nothing makes your heart feel more whole than worshiping God. In my experience, a lot of songs speak to the fact that it's also okay for your heart to hurt for a bit, but God’s love will always put you back together.
3. Looking at flowers.
• And all plants really. They are just so beautiful.
4. Watching puppy/dog videos.
• Puppies are the purest things in this universe and no one can change my mind, With that, watching them trip over their own feet or get a little too excited chasing a ball is one of the funniest things, trust me.
5. Watching baby videos
• This kind’ve goes along the same lines as number four. I fully believe that there is nothing that a baby’s laugh can’t fix. Nothing.
6. Watching my favorite movie on repeat.
• Which in my case is Disney’s Tangled. I would not even no approximately how many times I have watched that movie, but if I had to guess it would be in the hundreds. I can quote the whole movie word for word. And yes I am twenty. And yes I am 100% not ashamed of my love for the adventures of Maximus and Pascal.
7. Reading Poetry
• A lot of poets (like Madisen Kuhn, my fave) speak to dealing with mental illnesses and sometimes that's what you need, someone elses viewpoints on struggling so you know you're not alone. Just try to stay away from the really depressing poems, which I know are out there, because they can trap you in that low state. You can click the link to take a look at Madisen's first book,  Eighteen Years
8. Eating big bowls of cereal and watching The Office.
• Just try it one time. Pour yourself the biggest bowl of your favorite cereal. Put on your favorite episode of The Office and allow yourself to be swept away in the shenanigans of Dunder Mifflin. (Try season 5, episode 13)
9. Exercise 
• If you’re feeling really low to the point where brushing your teeth requires too much energy, start small, like just walking around your house for a few minutes. Just try to do anything that can get your endorphins pumping, because like the great Elle Woods once said “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t kill their husbands. They just don’t.”
10. Remember that You Are Enough. You Are So Enough. It’s Unbelievable How Enough You Are.
• Repeat that in your head over and over again until at least a molecule starts to believe it. You will get through this. You have before and you will again. You were put on this earth for a reason and you need to discover that reason, and fulfill it. Living and breathing might feel like the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do and you believe no one when they say that it eventually gets better, but try to believe them because it does. You are strong. You are loved. You are brave. Just keep fighting and we will make it through this. I need you, the universe needs you. So just keep swimming.